My Lover's Gone
by Tea Diva
Summary: Lt. Raziel awakens from his state of change blessed with a pair of wings, but before he presents himself to Kain, he spends time with his chosen consort, a young human named Julia. Written circa 2002 and set before the events of Soul Reaver.


Kain's empire flourished, a time where vampires reveled in their ascension while humans endured being reduced to cattle. But some did not choose to begrudge their vampire masters as others had. These people became devout followers, establishing shrines to honor the ones who scoffed and hunted them regardless.

It was at one such village that one of the clan leaders met a young, willowy girl and took her as his own. There was something about the purity of her spirit that intrigued him so, offering him an even bigger surprise when she was not what she seemed once in the bedroom. This girl, this delicate creature who stood out among the ruins of Nosgoth's human population, was as ravenous as he. It excited him, but also ignited a fierce protective nature regarding her.

Due to the humans' knowledge of her involvement with him, she often suffered their torment. Once word reached his ears about that, he swooped down on the village with such ferocity he left no one alive. It was his way of showing all that he would not tolerate if harm ever befell her. Since then she had come to live in his personal sanctuary, loving him with a lavish and fierce devotion that continued to amaze him.

His brothers eventually learned to accept her presence in his life, even though some felt it was ridiculous for him to be so attached to a mere human. Often, while waiting to meet in council with their maker Kain, he could hear their whispers.

"Does Raziel still cater to that weakling human?"

"Yes. I can't bear to imagine it. Humans are for our amusement and our feed. To spend such time on one is a waste."

Lieutenant Raziel would only smirk at their remarks. _Let them think what they will. It doesn't matter, _he thought. Years passed, his clan continuing to grow and prosper until they overshadowed his brothers'. And while his clan grew, so too did the emotions he held regarding his special consort. What started as simple fancy slowly evolved into something deeper. Soon he began coming to her more often, spending more time with her, and feeling her pain when he entered the state of change.

The incubation periods were often unbearable for her, but she was always there waiting for him when he emerged. It was those occasions that his bloodlust was at its peak, and she was only too willing to succumb to his demands. Sometimes she'd be stretched out on their bed, waiting for him, her blue-gray eyes staring into his expectantly. It was no different now, save his emerging with a pair of gorgeous wings.

As he stood over her, naked and ready, her eyes swept over his form in silent awe. The connection he felt toward her ignited, and in one swift motion had settled himself beside her and covered her mouth with his. She welcomed his touch eagerly, moaning against his mouth as he pulled her up with him to situate her on his lap. His wings, he later discovered, were quite adept at flying and keeping both he and she aloft during their frenzied lovemaking. Raziel had emerged from his incubation early in the evening, and dawn was just beginning to break the horizon when they were spent.

He lay in his bed with her, staring up at the overhang that boasted his clan's colors of red and gold. Thin, determined streams of sunlight filtered into the room, attempting to bring more light into a world dominated by shadow. His wings, folded around both of them like a blanket, stirred slightly when she moved, sending a series of sensations all throughout his body. He closed his eyes and exhaled, relishing in the feel of her nude body beside his.

His hand lifted from its resting place on his muscled abdomen, casting a gray shadow over his pale skin as he sought to caress her. Softness crept beneath the underside of his wandering claws, reminding him again how delicate she was. Her creamy flesh was marred with glowing red welts on her upper shoulder and neck, evidence of the instances he drank from her. Her blood fed his vampiric nature; her body fed his physical desire.

In spite of the countless hours he had spent in her arms and feeling her beneath him, he became quite aware of his body responding to her again. She seemed to sense it too, for her arm slipped from his shoulder and traveled down the length of his body. He turned to look down at her, his eyes half-closed in pleasure.

"You are rested?" she asked softly, her voice hoarse but music to his ears. He admired her for a moment, letting her hand continue its teasing caresses. Long, wispy blonde hair coated the side of her face and shoulder, vanishing beneath the transparent skin of his wings. Lifting a three-taloned hand to brush the hair away from her face, Raziel gave a soft gasp when her wandering touch ventured beyond his abdomen, and lower still. Before she drew too close to him, Raziel reached down with his other hand to cover hers. He stared deeply into her eyes, seeing the passion slowly building behind the blue-gray hues.

"As much as I would love to share in your flesh again, the time has long since passed regarding my evolution. By now Kain already knows I have emerged, Julia," he said, unfolding his wings from around them as he sat up. Her hand slid away from his, leaving behind a heated sensation that was quickly extinguished. She loved hearing her name on his lips, how he made the three syllables seem so much more than they were. But when he mentioned his maker's name, a shiver she could not suppress coursed throughout her body.

A sudden sense of dread crept over her, one that was not easily defined. Swallowing, Julia propped herself on an elbow as she watched him. He was glorious to behold, from his midnight black hair to the finely chiseled muscles on his back. The urge to touch him welled within her, testimony to the sense of dread. Reaching up with her hand, she slowly traced the length of his right wing bone with nimble fingers, smiling when he gasped softly. These new wings were quite susceptible to her touch, and it had driven him mad only moments before. Reaching behind him, Raziel placed his hand over hers, gently urging her to stop.

"If you continue to do that, I will never keep my appointment with Kain," he growled huskily. Julia laughed prettily and sat up, scooting closer to him and winding her arms around his neck. Her hands clasped together just over his collarbone, her fingers gently touching him. The need to hold onto him as long as possible nearly overwhelmed her, and she unconsciously tightened her grip.

"Bother with Kain, Raziel. He can wait," Julia whispered, pressing a kiss onto his right shoulder before nipping at his flesh. Raziel closed his eyes at the sweet torture her lips and teeth were doing to his body, then reluctantly rose. Julia remained on the bed, drawing her legs up to her chin and watching him. Folding his wings so that they were securely tucked perpendicular on his back, Raziel turned to stare down at Julia. She met his gaze, waiting.

"Are you so certain? He is not known for his patience," Raziel said, reaching to tilt her head up so he could gaze into her features. She met his gaze, losing control over her voice as she again beheld his raw power and beauty. The hand at her chin went to brush some of her hair away, the silken strands flowing like water through his grasp.

"I know. But, Raziel, I cannot help but feel-" Julia's words died in her throat when he placed a claw over her lips. His eyes, so mesmerizing, held her gaze with such force she nearly forgot to breathe.

"Hush, now. I won't be long, for I plan to return to you and spend the rest of the day, and night, in your arms. For now, would you like to help me prepare?"

Julia was shocked into silence, for it had been the first time he had ever asked her that. In all the years she had been his consort, he had had his servants aid him. But none were allowed in his private chambers, which should have been Julia's first clue as to what Raziel was trying to tell her. Their previous couplings had taken place in another room that had access to a separate chamber, where Raziel would retreat to and dress. Julia would simply wait for the next time.

As she looked up into his pale features, she searched his eyes for a sign, any sign. She knew she loved him deeply, even if her mortal heart was unworthy of his. However, his expression changed that. It was enough for her to abandon the sense of dread that moments before had clung to her mind.

"Raziel...I would be honored to help you."

Raziel smiled, then walked the expanse of the room to where his clothes hung. Julia followed suite, pausing only to gather a torn banner around her body. It had been ripped from its hanging by her as Raziel had her pinned against a wall. In her growing excitement she had grabbed it, hardly hearing it rip when she reached her climax. Raziel had only laughed and commended her strength. Seeing her using it as a robe flattered his ego. It was another sign that she belonged to him and no one else.

She soon stood beside him, looking first at him then the wall. Every piece of clothing he wore was arranged neatly, hung in the order in which Raziel dressed. The first item she took was his clan marking, and once he saw how she trembled before him, Raziel placed his hand on her shoulder. His smile was assuring, his eyes reflecting his deep felt emotion.

"That, my dear, goes on last. Why not start with these?" he said, his tone of voice light with humor as he gestured for his pants. At realizing her own foolishness, Julia's unease vanished and she nodded. The next hour was devoted to her tending to him, reminding her how a wife tends her husband. Raziel was patient with her when her inept fingers fumbled over the straps of his arm braces, his laughter gilded when she secured his shoulder armor improperly.

As she finished attaching his clan marking onto his right shoulder, the dread returned. She paused briefly, daring to wonder if this would be the last time she'd see him. Feeling his eyes on her, Julia lifted her head. _Maybe I am being foolish_, she thought, reaching up to trace the curve of his high cheekbone with a finger. Raziel furrowed his brow at her curiously.

"Is there something bothering you?" he asked. Julia opened her mouth to say yes, then shook her head.

"Only that we will be apart again, and you had just emerged from your incubation. It was longer than any of the other times," she admitted softly. Raziel nodded in understanding, knowing that he also felt the pain of their separation. The revelations about his feelings toward her had brought him to the decision of taking her to his private chambers instead of meeting in hers. He turned so that he was facing her, letting one hand slip around her waist to bring her closer as the other ran down the length of her cheek. She eyed him curiously, losing herself in his mesmerizing gaze.

"By now you must have realized I asked you to help me for a purpose. The purpose is this," Raziel began, cupping her chin so that he held her head in place. His eyes lingered on her features for a moment before he leaned closer. Julia's eyes fluttered closed when his lips touched hers gently, contrasting with the bruising kisses she was used to during their lovemaking.

It was tender, how a kiss she often imagined one should be. Usually whenever he kissed her, it made her heart race with the anticipation of them becoming one again. There was no such sensation in this kiss. The only thing she felt was...love.

Raziel pulled away from her, staring down into her dazed eyes. Taking her hand, he led her to the single table situated on the left hand side of the bed. What lay atop it was two goblets, a water basin, a washrag, and, oddly enough, a necklace adorned with alternating red and gold gems. Julia's eyes widened as Raziel reached for the necklace and lifted it so that she could admire it.

The gems had been constructed to form his clan symbol, which was worn to honor the master. Before he had went into his dormant state, he had asked his attendants to create it, knowing it would be ready when he emerged. By the way Julia's eyes lingered on the gift, he knew she saw it as what he intended it to be- a symbol of her single-minded devotion to he, and he alone. It was equivalent to an engagement ring.

"Oh, it's lovely. But, Raziel, are you sure I am worthy of this?" Julia breathed, looking up into his eyes. He responded by circling the chain around her neck and clasping it. Her hand went up to it the instant it touched her skin, almost feeling Raziel's unspoken love residing in it.

"You are more worthy of this than you allow yourself to realize. Oh," Raziel said, again noticing the welts on her body. They were still torn and bleeding, running in small rivers down her neck. As part of their lovemaking, she often begged him to bite and drink from her, which he obliged. The pain of his claws digging into her skin gave her more pleasure, which in turn equaled longer, more ecstatic orgasms. Usually, as part of their bonding, Raziel would clean her wounds. He deduced the excitement of his request had put the pain of the wounds out of her mind, and now he had no choice but to tend to her.

"Forgive me for not washing these sooner," he said, reaching for the washcloth and dipping it into the basin of water. Careful not to let the water get on his skin, Raziel gently wiped the excess blood away from her cuts. One hand was still pressed against the necklace as she watched him, silently amazed by his tenderness. Raziel dragged the cloth slowly across her neck, then down to her shoulder before crossing his gaze over to the small valley between her partially exposed breasts. Letting the washcloth drop back into the basin of water, he leaned over to press his lips against her skin, running his tongue down the incline to taste her sweet blood again.

She moaned softly, reaching up to grab his head to keep him there. Her fingers wound lovingly into his black hair, threatening to loosen it from its tie. He brought his hands up to her shoulders, his claws pushing the banner away from her almost at will. His tongue continued its path down between her breasts, exciting him more at hearing Julia's sharp intake of breath as she silently begged him to relieve her of the material that separated her from his tantalizing lips. Unable to help himself, he stripped her of the clan banner and clutched her closer to him.

She whispered his name urgently, her fingernails digging into the base of his neck. Raziel's hands caressed her body up and down, sliding past her waist before resting firmly on her bottom. As his talons worked into her flesh, Julia arched against him, her hands still firmly locked around his head and soft moans escaping her throat. He finally sank his teeth into her skin, drinking a few, precious drops before pulling away.

A small trickle of her blood glowed against his pale skin, which she licked away. Her arms next wound around his neck, her face flushed from the passions he ignited in her again. Her eyes were glazed with desire as she tilted her head upward and trailed soft kisses along the underside of his jaw. It took all of Raziel's remaining willpower not to simply take her. His arms tightened around her as he lowered his face closer to hers. When he spoke it was in a husky whisper mixed with his escalating passion.

"Wait for me here," he said, then claimed her mouth again. It was a fervent kiss, the sort that served only to heighten Julia's desire for him. Julia tightened her hold on him, reluctant to let go, eager to experience his flesh again, and then the emptiness set in when he slipped from her arms. Raziel held her gaze for a moment, wanting nothing more than to shut out the whole of Nosgoth and be with her always. Yet he already knew he had procrastinated too long, and turned to leave. Julia stood in a shaft of pale sunlight as he, Raziel, firstborn among Kain's vampiric sons, left the room and softly closed the door.

* * *

After Raziel had gone, Julia simply lay on her side in the large bed, one hand caressing the necklace as the other stroked the expanse of sheets Raziel's body had occupied. His scent still lingered there, offering her solace while she waited. She had grown accustomed to the time they spent apart, since she realized she had become entirely dependent on his presence in her life. The necklace felt warm against her skin, bringing forth memories of his arms around her.

It was hard to believe that a vampire could be so warm, even before drinking blood. Along with warmth, his arms brought protection, cocooning her from the harsh reality she faced alone. Alone was what she had been ready to accept before that fateful day. Oh, how beautiful he was, standing there in the shadow of the simple temple a nearby village had constructed to honor him. His eyes, a strange combination of yellow and green, glowed against his features as he stared at her. She had no idea what brought him to that place, but she was glad he came.

From that moment on Julia had surrendered her heart to him, loving and adoring him without a word. Months later he appeared to claim her as his consort, and she wasn't sure if she should be overwhelmed or feel ashamed. Overwhelmed, because she had been desperately in love with him and her dearest wish had been granted, ashamed at somehow being seen or thought of as unworthy. The former proved true, for once she was in his arms everything surfaced.

All those years of restrained emotion exploded with the vicious power of a storm, shocking Raziel to his very core. Yet he had confessed to being greatly pleased by her sexual prowess, and proceeded to share a deep love only she admitted to. Until now.

The necklace, the token in which Raziel bestowed on her, was more than a trinket. It was visual proof of the love he felt for her. She had begun to believe that she was worthy after all, and in doing so could hardly wait until his return.

Reaching for the pillow next to her, Julia brought it to her face and buried her nose into its surface. Raziel's scent assaulted her, filling her mind with images of his beauty. By now he had already presented himself to Kain, and as was his nature, was showing off his newfound ability. No other lieutenant bore wings, not even Kain, so now Raziel had power over them. He was not ashamed to flaunt his skills, or the remarkable size of his clan.

As the largest sect in Nosgoth, the Razielim were slowly but surely taking over. Julia assumed it would only be a matter of time before Raziel usurped Kain for control. She allowed herself a small smile at the thought. It would give Raziel pleasure to rule over Nosgoth in Kain's place, and she would stand by his side for eternity.

Suddenly Julia sat up in bed, her eyes wide in terror when she heard an agonized scream. No, it couldn't be, but it certainly was. The sound of the scream shook her to the depths of her soul, filling her heart with dread. All at once she knew her earlier premonition was true, and bolted from the bed with a desperate cry.

The clan banner was still wrapped around her form, which she clung to with one hand as the other reached out to push against the heavy door. When she managed to push it open, Julia beheld several Razielim standing in the hallway. They looked to one another, speaking in hushed voices that brimmed with fear. Being a familiar face to them, they paid her no heed as she made her way down the hallway. Clipped phrases such as 'Was that Master Raziel?' to 'Kain would not dare harm our sire!' echoed around her, adding to her building fear. She reached the end of the corridor in time to see one of Raziel's private attendants burst in from the door, his taloned hands digging into the heavy wood.

"Master Raziel has been condemned!"

His words brought a rush of panic to the assembled Razielim, who practically rushed as one for their sire's attendant, crying out in fear and anger. Julia was brutally pushed against the wall by one, groaning painfully as her cheek struck the cold stone. Just as she recovered from that blow, another member knocked her onto the floor. She allowed herself to fall, curling into a fetal position as she prepared herself to be trampled to death.

Chaos ensued all around her, the news of Raziel's surprising fate spreading like wildfire. The frightened voices of the Razielim faded into the distance until Julia heard nothing but the hissing of the mounted wall torches. By the time she collected herself, the hallway was deserted. She frantically broke into a run, clutching the banner to her like a lifeline. Condemned. Raziel had been condemned. But why? And for what? Julia had no idea. All she cared about at the moment was seeing him again, to know that the terrible words were untrue.

_Raziel! You cannot abandon me! _she despaired in her mind as she blindly made her way through the twisting corridors. Upon reaching the lower landing of Raziel's sanctuary, Julia beheld the first of her many horrors.

The attendant who had announced Raziel's fate was clinging to life in spite of his being speared to the wall. The one responsible was none other than a Dumahim, his face split into an evil grin. Julia saw that others were receiving more of the same, allowing her to slip unnoticed into the chaos. She passed several dying or dead Razielim, all having been speared, severed, or drained of blood by the barbaric Dumahim.

Julia swallowed, fearing the treatment for Raziel was much worse. Tears welled in her eyes as she sought the exit, images of Raziel's magnificent form coming to mind. She had to find him. She had no idea how she could save him from his damnation, but she was willing to do whatever means necessary. Even if it meant her own death.

Running from the chaos that had taken over the sanctuary, Julia increased her pace. She had no idea where she was headed, for these were paths she had never treaded. In her desperation she allowed her heart to guide her, and it was leading her as willfully as a blind person follows one who could see.

She encountered more battles, and more bodies of dead Razielim. Eventually she blocked the horrors out entirely. She ran down twisted caverns long carved out to resemble halls, half-crying, gasping for breath, until she became aware of the smell of water. No, not water. This was unnatural water...a water she had never smelled before. It reeked of decaying flesh that had been submerged for centuries. The smell made her gag, causing her to stumble and fall to her knees.

She covered her mouth as she fought the urge to vomit, but lost. The water, combined with the stagnant atmosphere of the cavern and the lingering scent of death behind her, was too much. After wasting time dry heaving, Julia staggered to her feet. Securing the clan banner around her body and bracing herself, she pressed on.

Bursting to the scene of a narrow tower of land connected to another by a creaking, wooden bridge, Julia witnessed the final act of Raziel's condemnation.

His two brothers, Turel and Dumah, were dragging her Raziel along the ground toward the edge of the land. His wings, once proud and magnificent, lay lifeless against his back. Lifeless, and bloodied. It was then she understood the reason for his being condemned. Anger mixed with her sadness as she watched, helpless. She covered her mouth to stifle a gasp when Kain came into her line of vision. He had his back to Turel and Dumah, his eyes narrowed in a hard glare. After a moment he glanced over his shoulder and said,

"Cast him in."

Turel and Dumah casually tossed Raziel, her beloved Raziel, over the edge. His screams pierced her soul, causing her to grip either side of her face in despair. That single scream seemed to echo into forever, surrounding her as easily as his arms once had. Before she realized it, she was screaming too, tears flowing nonstop from her eyes. Raziel released one final cry before being absorbed by the swirling water, taking him from her forever.

She sank to her knees, her anguished scream dying in her throat. He was gone. She would never see him again, taste his lips, or feel his body on hers. And then there was Kain, who hadn't bothered to stay to witness his firstborn's demise. He strode away from the edge of the land with purpose, his eyes narrowed and focused solely ahead of him. Julia hid from sight, her heartache blossoming into rage. He walked by her, pausing only to wait up for Turel and Dumah. He was rigid with unspoken anger, his arms folded over his chest.

One clawed finger tapped his arm absently, as if he were deep in thought. He then glanced over at Julia, his gaze penetrating her so that she froze in place. He stared down at her without a word, then walked away. By then Turel and Dumah joined their master, neither seeing Julia. Raziel's demise, combined with her growing contempt for Kain, drove Julia to launch herself at Dumah. While she wanted Kain, Dumah would suffice. He had been party to her beloved's execution. Her hands were out, curled like claws and eyes narrowed in hatred.

Dumah suddenly spun around and reached out, grabbing her by her throat. He laughed as she struggled in vain against his strength. Turel paused, glancing over his shoulder. Julia kicked her legs out as she tried to pry Dumah's claws from her neck. He brought her closer to his face, revealing his long incisors.

"So, this is Raziel's little human whore. Should I send her to join him?" Dumah suggested with an evil sneer. Turel grinned at his brother's words, but it was Kain who spoke.

"No. Let the woman be. She is of no concern to us," he said. Dumah shrugged, and threw Julia to the ground with such force she cried out the moment she hit. Left to lay there in pain, Julia could only think about Raziel.

Her beloved Raziel, the one who had plucked her from her worthless existence and turned it into something beautiful. There was nothing left for her now. Carefully assuming her hands and knees, Julia slowly, painfully, crawled over the bridge to the platform of land that stood over the lake. Small moans escaped her throat with each movement until at last she was situated at the edge.

Glancing down into the swirling abyss of water, Julia's heart wept even after her eyes burned from her tears. She wrapped her hand around the necklace, which glistened due to her falling tears, and bowed her head. At length she simply fell to her side, the red clan banner spreading out over her form with the tenderness she would never again feel.

* * *

Centuries had passed since Raziel's execution when he once again graced Nosgoth's marred earth. Through sheer force of will Raziel had guided himself back here, to this place where he had been killed and born again. Now a mere shadow of his former self, reduced to inhabiting a tattered blue carcass that was as alien as it was unfit, Raziel allowed himself to ponder the reasons for his damnation.

The Lake of the Dead appeared strangely peaceful, causing him to grunt in displeasure. The agony of burning alive crept back to his mind, making him turn away from the edge. As he walked away in the direction of the Sanctuary of the Clans, something caught his eye. It was barely visible, for most of it was buried in a fine layer of dust and dirt. Kneeling down, Raziel dug one claw into the ground and unearthed the treasure.

At first he didn't recognize it, for the end of the chain was too deeply embedded in the ground. Yet he was able to pull it free, and when he did, Raziel was overcome by a series of emotions. Holding it up to the pale light to examine it closer, the necklace was now unmistakable. Being newly born into the world with only his vengeance keeping him on his quest, the necklace brought forth the sort of agony the Abyss could not equal.

How could he have forgotten the tender creature he had bestowed the gift on, or how proud he was to have her total devotion? In condemning him, so too had Kain damned Julia. He closed his eyes, unable to imagine the sort of pain she experienced in the days, months, and years since his death.

The familiar rage regarding her welfare surged through his body. He had been unable to protect her, to shield her from the pain of his death. Another sweep of the surrounding area yielded no weapons, proving that Julia had simply let herself die. Balling his fist over the necklace, Raziel lowered his head, closing his eyes once more as he remembered.

He had last seen her that fateful day, when Kain tore the wings from his back and had him cast into the Abyss. It was strange how he could remember every vivid detail, from the way she smelled to the excitement her mere presence stirred in him. Even now the long dormant passion coursed through his body, making him wince at the pleasure of it. Image after image of the times they had spent together looped mercilessly in his mind.

He could see her smiling at him whenever he came to her, hear her cries of pleasure as he held her to his naked body, feel the gentle whisper of her caress across his face as they lay together. It was agony in its purest form, and Raziel released a small, helpless moan at it. In spite of her delicate appearance, she could withstand the furious strength of a vampire's passion. And her blood...oh, how many times had the mere taste of it driven him wild with need? Though that hunger was no longer his, Raziel found himself desperate to drink it again.

_Julia...damn you, Kain. Damn you to hell_, he thought as his anger returned. His eyes narrowed into slits as he tightened his grip on the necklace he had given her out of love. The need to see Kain pay for what he did welled within him, and as Raziel made ready to leave he noticed the briefest flicker in the air. It gave him reason to pause, to watch curiously to see if the same phenomena would occur.

A moment later it did, this time Raziel seeing a wispy form appear and vanish in the space of a heartbeat. His mind reeled. Was it possible? A lifetime ago he wouldn't have even considered the possibility, yet as he glanced down on himself, he was beginning to realize that certain things in Nosgoth were.

Rising to his feet and automatically shifting to the spectral realm, the necklace slipping from his grasp, Raziel kept his eyes focused directly ahead of him. The swirl of the Abyss partially drowned out the moans and calls of the sluagh, but soon Raziel ceased to hear those sounds at all. There, descending toward him with slow majesty was a spirit unlike the others present. This one still retained its mortal shape and features save legs, leaving only a floating upper body and arms.

Raziel felt his despair rising to consume him when he recognized Julia. She was as beautiful as he remembered, death having not stolen that from her. Her eyes held definite sadness due to the way she died, and as she stared down at Raziel, he realized she was not looking at him. Her sorrowful gaze was fixed on the necklace he had unearthed. Realization flickered over her pale features, and with a soft moan Julia went to pick up the token her lover had given her in life.

Raziel watched painfully as Julia attempted to grasp what could not be touched. Her frustration was evident by the anguished expression that crossed her face. Moaning again, she backed away from the necklace and covered her face. Raziel couldn't take it anymore and approached her, one hand suspended above her bowed head.

"Julia," he said softly. Her head remained bowed, long strands of her hair sliding between her fingers. Raziel spoke her name again, louder this time and bearing more urgency. This time she did look up, her eyes widening as she stared up at him. Raziel felt his heart sink. She did not recognize him in the repugnant form he had been 'given'. But seeing her again, the look of despair never leaving her face in spite of the confusion there, urged Raziel to continue.

"Julia, forgive me. I did not want to leave you," he said, his own sorrow rising to the surface. Confusion was replaced by bewilderment. Julia lifted herself higher so that she was looking Raziel in the eyes, her head tilted to the side. _Please, speak to me. I need to hear your voice again_, Raziel thought as he watched her mind at work behind those hauntingly empty eyes. It took several long moments before her hands flew up to her mouth. That reaction nearly convinced Raziel his gruesome appearance frightened her, and as he made ready to turn away with a heavy heart, froze when she spoke his name.

"...Raziel? Raziel," Julia said, going toward him with open arms. Raziel backed away in shame, feeling as if he were not worthy of her touch. She paused then, her eyes scanning him. There was infinite silence between them until it was broken by her strangled cry.

It took her a moment to gather her bearings before she reached for him again. Raziel didn't move this time, his gaze locked on her. What she displayed at his appearance was an echo of what he felt every time he looked at himself. A trembling hand sought his face, her small, diaphanous fingers glowing against his blue skin. Her gaze swept over his face, a face she had often touched and kissed.

When she noticed the cowl, curiosity entered her eyes. Raziel flinched when her hand went to pull the fabric down, bringing his claw up to cover hers. She glanced back up at him, her brow creasing with worry. Raziel shook his head.

"No," he said in barely above a whisper. The fact that he could touch her in this state meant nothing compared to the shame he had regarding his appearance. Yet the longer he looked into her eyes, seeing the overwhelming love she bore him and died carrying in her heart, he found himself unable to deny her. Slowly his hand lifted away from hers, silently giving her permission to unveil what the cowl hid.

Julia understood the gesture and tentatively pulled the tattered cloth free. Surprise entered her eyes at what lay beneath. She stared at him incredulously as her hand hovered over where his mouth used to be. Raziel gripped her hand tightly in his own, wishing desperately things were the way they once were. The longer he stared at Julia's face, the more he wanted Kain's throat. Anger came to mix with the shame and sorrow he had become so familiar with since his resurrection.

Julia pulled her hand free from his grip, much to his dismay, and allowed it to run down the length of his face, across his collarbone and around his shoulder. A moan of despair escaped her lips when she beheld the ruined remains of his magnificent wings. She lifted his left wing gently, smoothing out the shredded surface. Raziel closed his eyes, expecting the shudder of pleasure her touch created. However, there was nothing but the slight tugging against his back.

It was more of an annoyance than a pleasure, and the fact angered him. So, he was also denied the simple pleasure of Julia's stimulating touch. He carried only a memory. IA memory./I The hatred for Kain came rushing back, the effects causing Raziel's body to tremble. Julia noticed this and rounded to face him again, her features seeming to have been etched in sadness.

"Raziel...beloved...what did he do to you?" Julia asked in a horrified whisper. Raziel squeezed his eyes shut as he dropped to the ground, clenching his fists where they lay between his spread knees. What did Kain do indeed, other than Istrip/I him of everything he ever was. It was unacceptable. Kain was going to suffer for his betrayal, and for the toll it took on his Julia.

"He took everything...and he destroyed you as surely as he did me." Raziel's head lifted, his eyes locking with Julia's. She gasped slightly at seeing the burning anger in the white depths. "I will see him dead for this," he swore darkly.

Julia lowered herself so that she was 'kneeling' before him, reaching out to touch his face again. This time Raziel allowed the joy at feeling her caress soothe his anger, and he wrapped her spiritual form in his arms. Julia went to him willingly, laying her head atop his as his claws gripped her with a desperation that spoke volumes.

In her mind she recalled how strong, powerful and beautiful he had been. It tore her apart seeing him reduced to this state, and just by looking at him she knew he despised it as well. But it didn't matter. No matter his form, he was still her beloved Raziel.

Raziel was lost in a sea of memories as he held onto her, seeing brief flashes of Julia in his mind. Her smile, her laughter, the very life she radiated, brought a sense of peace to his existence. Now, because of one man's betrayal, both were made to suffer. He tightened his hold on her, wishing with all his heart that he could kiss her again. The impossibility of that act only served to anger him more.

Suddenly Raziel became aware of Julia's form losing substance. He pulled away from her, shock entering his eyes. Julia stared down at herself, genuinely confused by what was happening. Once realization dawned on her she threw her arms around Raziel, crying his name.

"Raziel! Don't leave me!" she begged. Raziel attempted to hold her, his claws passing through her easily.

"No," he said in despair, watching helplessly as her form slowly faded away. The last part to fade was her head, which lifted to look him in the eyes. Her mouth formed a phrase that stilled Raziel's frantic thoughts. The next moment she was gone, leaving him alone. He sat staring in numb detachment at where Julia once was, painfully aware of the lingering sensation of her arms around him. Her final words echoed in his mind, heart and soul.

"I love you."

It was a long time before Raziel summoned enough strength to depart the ledge that had separated he and Julia in life, and now in death. A new reason to seek out Kain welled inside him as he absently donned his cowl. When he returned to the material realm, he wasted no time in claiming the necklace. Staring down at it, the weak threads of sunlight poorly lighting the red and gold gems that made up his clan symbol, he frowned.

Right now Raziel desired vengeance, and the distinct need to stand over Kain's lifeless body. Closing his hand over the necklace, Raziel brought it level to where his heart once had been. Lifting his eyes skyward to where he first saw Julia's spirit, he spoke in a voice choked with emotion.

"Julia...I love you..."

_The End _


End file.
